You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
