ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
