It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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