Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
