Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
