Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she peed on how many people?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
