I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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