he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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