There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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