hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
