This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
