we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
