he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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