It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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