i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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