What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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