sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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