he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
