i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
