In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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