Do you still have your period?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
