you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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