The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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