where's my purse there's an important taco in it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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