hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
