I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
