i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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