the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize