I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
