I can't watch pbs sober anymore
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
