I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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