Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
