The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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