Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
