I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
