Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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