Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
