I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
