Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
