my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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