I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
