and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
