Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
