Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
