I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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