he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
