So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
