I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
