At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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