I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
