My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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