Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
