Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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