So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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