I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
