It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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