the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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