I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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