you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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