Midget sex pt 2 tonight
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
