I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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