Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
